Have I ever mentioned we have a cat?
I say cat but she behaves more like a dog.
She constantly wants my attention, is dependent on me a lot. Where ever I go she follows me, from morning till night, even when I go to the bathroom. When I take a shower she'll sit outside my bathroom waiting for me to come out.
When the kids are at school its even worse.
When I sit on the sofa with my husband she'll come and demand my attention, my husband has to tell her off sometimes because its as if he has the share me with her. Its ridiculous.
She's not independent like a cat should be. Usually cats don't *need* your attention, they'll come to you when they want your time, but usually will chill, play, sleep etc on their own.
I can't blame her really, when she came to us she was in a terrible neglected state. She was very underweight, her fur was in terrible condition, she didn't even have the energy to groom herself like cats do. She was so weak she couldn't jump from the floor onto a chair. She couldn't even walk up and down stairs.
I nursed her back to health alhamdolilah, by feeding her, grooming her, I used to groom her for half an hour five times a day to get her fur back to normal. I did that for a month. I looked after her like a mother would look after her human baby. Alhamdolilah, she recovered. I don't think she would have lasted another month in her previous circumstances. I don't know how people can be brutally neglectful and make an innocent animal suffer like that. It takes a lot to make me cry but when I saw the state she was in it brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.
Anyway, I don't know if this clinginess is down to how I looked after her when she came to us almost 3 years ago, or if this is just her personality.
She did used to be quite an independent outdoor cat, now she doesn't get to go outdoors. She's quite deaf in her right ear and she had a stroke a few years back and going out isn't really a safe option for her. She could get run over because she may not even hear the car coming. So we keep her inside. She seems to like it enough, she runs around and plays, when she gets fed in the morning she becomes overwhelmed with joy, its like putting petrol into a dreary car, she goes on a mental running spree running from one room to the next. They she calms down, grooms herself, and goes to sleep for a bit.
Recently though, my youngest step daughter has been saying she'd like to take her outside on a leash for a bit. She used to love being outside when she was younger, before the stroke and deafness and neglect. Often the cat sits on the windowsill longingly looking at the world outside and we feel sorry for her, that maybe she would like to be an outdoor cat once again.
So after some convincing she managed to get her dad to let her take the cat out on a leash. We tied her collar tight but without choking her of course, and tied the lead to her collar. My step daughter took her out for a bit and if she had trouble bringing the cat back in she was to call me.
I looked from the window eagerly to see the cats first moments of being outside for the first time in nearly 3 years. I expected her to be cautious, weary and timid to the new sounds and smells.
Then, like a mad bat out of a cave in which a bright light had been lit, she bolted for the nearest hiding place. My step daughter tried to grab her but she struggled out of her arms, she tried to draw the lead back in but the cat wriggled her neck and managed to get the collar off and ran under a door and hid somewhere. My step daughter called me and I went out as quick as I could with the cats favourite biscuits. I gave my step daughter a leg up over the brick wall to get closer to where the cat had gone but she couldn't see her anywhere, we kept calling her name and calling her with the sound she is accustomed to, but no sign. We both then took turns in going round the other side of the building to look for her. But still no sign. I made dua again and reassured my step daughter that we'll find her insha'Allah.
Cats are very clever animals. As a child my cat went missing once, and 3 days later emerged dehydrated and hungry.
I told her that the cat will be feeling scared and she'll be hiding somewhere close by, just keep calling her name, rattle the bag of biscuits and keep looking in every nook and cranny, I gave her a leg up again and off she went over the wall. The wall was barely 5ft high so it was easy enough.
She went over, searched some more and Alhamdolilah found her. A desperation came into her voice and I guided her from over the wall to calm down, reassure the cat with her voice & biscuits and try to entice her out or get closer to her. She manage to get her out of the spot she was hiding in and then stroked her to calm her down. The cat at that point seemed more relaxed than my step daughter. She handed me the cat from over the wall and climbed back over. We picked up the collar, lead, phone, keys, bag of biscuits and came back indoors where I think the cat will remain for the rest of her natural born years!
The cat was fine, started purring happily and adored the attention we were giving her, I felt sorry for my poor step daughter though, she was so worried, she needed a lie down after the whole exhausting ordeal. Bless her.
I don't think we'll be doing that again. I think its now official. This cat is an indoor cat. Full stop.
I think I've had enough drama for this weekend.
Sunday, 10 April 2011
My Saturday Morning
Well I don't know about you but I had one heck of an adventure yesterday!
My stepdaughter was going to France for a week on work experience so I had agreed to drop her and her friend off at the meeting point. This meeting point was at a service station on the motorway. Her friend stayed the night to make it easier.
We don't own a car but we use Streetcar whenever we need a vehicle. Not everyone has heard of Streetcar yet, its basically a car hiring service, accept instead of going to some garage or depot to pick up your rental, the cars are kept on your local streets. You book the car on-line, then use your membership card to unlock the car at the time of your booking and enter a security code to get the keys out of the glove box. Its an excellent service and in our area we have many of these cars available. It works out much cheaper than owning your own car because you don't have to pay for petrol, insurance, road tax, MOT, maintenance etc. And we rarely actually have the need to use a car.
Any-hoo I booked my favourite car in advance and on the day woke the girls up bright and early at 4:30am. Majorly early for them, not so for me.
They both got ready bang on time and off we went to the neighbouring road where the car was. They had to drag their suitcases there, honestly, these girls are only going for a week, but the cases they both took were large enough for a family of four going for a week!
We get to the car, unlock it, get these huge cases in, get in the car ourselves and I start it, but it won't start! Hmmm, I keep trying, looking to see if the steering wheel was locked, tried popping the clutch but I knew you don't need to do that on a polo, only the golfs need that. Removed the key and tried it the other way, still no joy. I've used that exact car about a million-and-one times and its never given me any kind of grief. So I call Streetcar up and for some reason, can't get through. Great! I call my husband and he says, ok, leave it, lets call a cab. So I do. I book the cab while helping the girls unload their massive cases and we start walking back to the house.
We wait outside the house for the cab and my husband calls me, he says, why don't we book the other car available on the other neighbouring street. Excellent idea, plus it'll be much cheaper than the £52 I've just been quoted by the cabbie for a return journey! So my husbands at home on-line booking the other car while we make our way over to the other street, again, with those huge cases! As we're walking over I call the cabbie and tell him sorry, I have to cancel that car now. He sounds disappointed, £52 cab fare would have been great for him I guess!
We get to the car and before swiping my membership card on it, I call my husband to check if its booked now. He says its not! It won't let him book this car because we had the other car booked for this time also. Weird, because we're both members and we should be able to book two cars for the same time. He tries but its not working and we are fast running out of time to get the girls to the meeting point. We abandon this idea also and I call the cabbie back and say, sorry, I do need that cab after all! He says, "are you sure mam?" I say, yes, very sure, I need it right away please, I'm standing on so and so road, opposite, so and so building. I wasn't walking back to our house with those cases agian, did I mention they were big?
So we're waiting there for a cab and I can't believe what is happening. The one time you really need Streetcar to work, it fails you. How could this happen? I've used that polo countless times and its always been great. I look at the time and I'm thinking I hope this cabbie gets here fast. Then I get another call on my phone and its Streetcar. My husband got through to them and he's told them to call me. The lady at the other end is helpful and polite but right now I need results. She says she'll try and cancel the other booking and book the car that I'm standing in front of. I'm not happy about her wishy woshy tone and tell her I need to know now if you can make this happen, because I have a cab booked and its on its way now and I need to cancel now if you can book me this street car. She says, yes mam, I'm doing it now. She clicks a few buttons and asks me if the reader on the windscreen is flashing, I say no. Thinking great this isn't going to happen either! Then it starts flashing! Yay! She says swipe your card over it and it should unlock now. It does! Great. We get those big cases in the car while I call the cabbie back and tell him sorry, I don't need that car now. This time he is not happy. He says ok, and slams the phone down!
We get in the car, adjust the seat and mirrors and off we go. I tell the girls its 5:40am I'm going to drive fast so don't expect a comfy ride. They both say "kay" with anxiety in their tone. My heart feels for them. They've both been so looking forward to this and its an important part of the curriculum, not to mention the cost of this trip which is not cheap! Feeling the extra pressure of the responsibility of getting my step daughters friend there in time, I whizz off into the night praying I make it in time. We were supposed to be on the road by 5am!
I hand my step daughter the driving directions and tell her I will need her to read those out in a bit.
Praying to Allah that we make it in time.
I'm doing 50mph down a 30mph zone. I know, I never usually do this but its 5:40 ish am and the roads are clear. My husband tells my stepdaughter he'll call the group leader and tell them we've been delayed by the car trouble we had. He then calls us back and tells us the group leader will wait for us. Phew!
I get to the area I'm familiar with then ask her to start reading out the directions, she tells me them, ok, next roundabout 1st exit. We get to the roundabout after that and that roundabout, 2nd exit, 3rd roundabout 3rd exit, we're not far now and its only just gone 6am, deadline is 6:10am we'll make it insha"Allah. Next roundabout 2nd exit. Should be seeing the signs for it by now. Hang on a minute. This doesn't seems right to me. This place is far too residential. We're going to a service station at a roundabout on a major motorway. So I trust my instincts and turn back. Except that last roundabout isn't really showing me the signs I'm expecting to see. We head on anyway.
My phone rings, I tell my step daughter to answer it. Its the cabbie, he's waiting for us where I instructed, she tells him sorry but we canceled the cab. He's disappointed.
Soon I realize we took a wrong exit somewhere back there and we are not where we should be so I come off at the next motorway exit and head back.
Making dua along the way.
By this point my stepdaughters speaking to her dad on the phone and feeding him the information I'm giving her about our location. He's on the web again trying to determine our location from what I've told him, he's then feeding his daughter directions which she's feeding me while I do 120mph on the motorway. My step daughter calls the group leader and tells him we got lost but are making our way over there as quick as possible. He's really nice and says we'll wait for you, get here as quick as you can without taking any dangerous risks. You betchya!
Its 6:34am by now and I'm thinking about her friends mum and dad are counting on me to get their daughter there in time. God forbid if they leave without us not only will we lose all the money we've spent for this trip but her friends parents will lose all theirs too. Oh the pressure!
She calls her group leader and tells him we're about 10 minutes away, or so I think.
We finally get to a major roundabout and from there I get the motorway I *do* need. We head down there as fast as I can make it but this motorway is busier and the suns up now and we're heading east so the sun is blindly me and even with sunglasses on its very had to see the road.
At one point the sun is blindly me so much that as I over take a blue van I feel I'm too close to him so I slightly adjust our possition only to make the adjustment too far and I feel the tyres on the right bump over the cats eyes, so I move more to the left to compensate and then that's a little too much and then back to the right again. Really don't need this kind of swaying drama at this sort of speed.
We're finally one exit away on the motorway so I move into the lanes on the left one by one and get ready to come off. We come off the motorway and she calls her group leader again and tells him we're at the roundabout for the service station now. Yay, not too far now.
We take the second exit from the roundabout and head towards the service station, there's a big land rover in front of me and judging by how slow he's going it must be an old woman driving it! Urhhh, get out the way! I scream in my mind. I need to look for the coach car park but because this huge car is in the way I can't see the sign and go right when I should have gone left. I see several coaches parked further down on my left, where I should be and turn around in the car park to see if I can make it back there to where the coaches are but there isn't an exit. So I park as close the coaches as I can and say we can walk over. As I get out of the car I see 3 men coming our way and I'm sure they're the group leader and some helpers.
I apologize to the group leader and he is so nice and says, "don't worry, you're here now".
I look at the time, its 6:46am!
We open up the boot and he gasps when he sees the cases! "You're only gong for a week!" he says.
I laughed.
I hug and kiss the girls goodbye and off they go. The group leader and 2 helpers helping them with their luggage. I stand there for a moment watching their luggage being loaded into the coach and girls boarding it, handing the group leader their papers. Alhamdolilah! I call my husband and relay this image to him. He laughs and tells me well done. Hmmm, not sure about that. He's extended the booking for me so I have more than enough time to get the car back.
I come home and the journey on the way back was so quick. Less than 25 minutes and I was driving slowly. I don't know where it all went wrong. I had a cup of tea and got back into bed for bit but every time I closed my eyes, all I could see were my hands on the steering wheel, speeding down the motorway.
I text my step daughter and she's laughing about it now. Thanking me for getting them there and staying calm. The rest of their journey is easy and uneventful and they get to their destination on time as scheduled. Alhamdolilah. The organizers clearly are experienced and left ample time in their scheduling for such delays. God bless 'em.
Its a morning I will never forget! Lol.
My stepdaughter was going to France for a week on work experience so I had agreed to drop her and her friend off at the meeting point. This meeting point was at a service station on the motorway. Her friend stayed the night to make it easier.
We don't own a car but we use Streetcar whenever we need a vehicle. Not everyone has heard of Streetcar yet, its basically a car hiring service, accept instead of going to some garage or depot to pick up your rental, the cars are kept on your local streets. You book the car on-line, then use your membership card to unlock the car at the time of your booking and enter a security code to get the keys out of the glove box. Its an excellent service and in our area we have many of these cars available. It works out much cheaper than owning your own car because you don't have to pay for petrol, insurance, road tax, MOT, maintenance etc. And we rarely actually have the need to use a car.
Any-hoo I booked my favourite car in advance and on the day woke the girls up bright and early at 4:30am. Majorly early for them, not so for me.
They both got ready bang on time and off we went to the neighbouring road where the car was. They had to drag their suitcases there, honestly, these girls are only going for a week, but the cases they both took were large enough for a family of four going for a week!
We get to the car, unlock it, get these huge cases in, get in the car ourselves and I start it, but it won't start! Hmmm, I keep trying, looking to see if the steering wheel was locked, tried popping the clutch but I knew you don't need to do that on a polo, only the golfs need that. Removed the key and tried it the other way, still no joy. I've used that exact car about a million-and-one times and its never given me any kind of grief. So I call Streetcar up and for some reason, can't get through. Great! I call my husband and he says, ok, leave it, lets call a cab. So I do. I book the cab while helping the girls unload their massive cases and we start walking back to the house.
We wait outside the house for the cab and my husband calls me, he says, why don't we book the other car available on the other neighbouring street. Excellent idea, plus it'll be much cheaper than the £52 I've just been quoted by the cabbie for a return journey! So my husbands at home on-line booking the other car while we make our way over to the other street, again, with those huge cases! As we're walking over I call the cabbie and tell him sorry, I have to cancel that car now. He sounds disappointed, £52 cab fare would have been great for him I guess!
We get to the car and before swiping my membership card on it, I call my husband to check if its booked now. He says its not! It won't let him book this car because we had the other car booked for this time also. Weird, because we're both members and we should be able to book two cars for the same time. He tries but its not working and we are fast running out of time to get the girls to the meeting point. We abandon this idea also and I call the cabbie back and say, sorry, I do need that cab after all! He says, "are you sure mam?" I say, yes, very sure, I need it right away please, I'm standing on so and so road, opposite, so and so building. I wasn't walking back to our house with those cases agian, did I mention they were big?
So we're waiting there for a cab and I can't believe what is happening. The one time you really need Streetcar to work, it fails you. How could this happen? I've used that polo countless times and its always been great. I look at the time and I'm thinking I hope this cabbie gets here fast. Then I get another call on my phone and its Streetcar. My husband got through to them and he's told them to call me. The lady at the other end is helpful and polite but right now I need results. She says she'll try and cancel the other booking and book the car that I'm standing in front of. I'm not happy about her wishy woshy tone and tell her I need to know now if you can make this happen, because I have a cab booked and its on its way now and I need to cancel now if you can book me this street car. She says, yes mam, I'm doing it now. She clicks a few buttons and asks me if the reader on the windscreen is flashing, I say no. Thinking great this isn't going to happen either! Then it starts flashing! Yay! She says swipe your card over it and it should unlock now. It does! Great. We get those big cases in the car while I call the cabbie back and tell him sorry, I don't need that car now. This time he is not happy. He says ok, and slams the phone down!
We get in the car, adjust the seat and mirrors and off we go. I tell the girls its 5:40am I'm going to drive fast so don't expect a comfy ride. They both say "kay" with anxiety in their tone. My heart feels for them. They've both been so looking forward to this and its an important part of the curriculum, not to mention the cost of this trip which is not cheap! Feeling the extra pressure of the responsibility of getting my step daughters friend there in time, I whizz off into the night praying I make it in time. We were supposed to be on the road by 5am!
I hand my step daughter the driving directions and tell her I will need her to read those out in a bit.
Praying to Allah that we make it in time.
I'm doing 50mph down a 30mph zone. I know, I never usually do this but its 5:40 ish am and the roads are clear. My husband tells my stepdaughter he'll call the group leader and tell them we've been delayed by the car trouble we had. He then calls us back and tells us the group leader will wait for us. Phew!
I get to the area I'm familiar with then ask her to start reading out the directions, she tells me them, ok, next roundabout 1st exit. We get to the roundabout after that and that roundabout, 2nd exit, 3rd roundabout 3rd exit, we're not far now and its only just gone 6am, deadline is 6:10am we'll make it insha"Allah. Next roundabout 2nd exit. Should be seeing the signs for it by now. Hang on a minute. This doesn't seems right to me. This place is far too residential. We're going to a service station at a roundabout on a major motorway. So I trust my instincts and turn back. Except that last roundabout isn't really showing me the signs I'm expecting to see. We head on anyway.
My phone rings, I tell my step daughter to answer it. Its the cabbie, he's waiting for us where I instructed, she tells him sorry but we canceled the cab. He's disappointed.
Soon I realize we took a wrong exit somewhere back there and we are not where we should be so I come off at the next motorway exit and head back.
Making dua along the way.
By this point my stepdaughters speaking to her dad on the phone and feeding him the information I'm giving her about our location. He's on the web again trying to determine our location from what I've told him, he's then feeding his daughter directions which she's feeding me while I do 120mph on the motorway. My step daughter calls the group leader and tells him we got lost but are making our way over there as quick as possible. He's really nice and says we'll wait for you, get here as quick as you can without taking any dangerous risks. You betchya!
Its 6:34am by now and I'm thinking about her friends mum and dad are counting on me to get their daughter there in time. God forbid if they leave without us not only will we lose all the money we've spent for this trip but her friends parents will lose all theirs too. Oh the pressure!
She calls her group leader and tells him we're about 10 minutes away, or so I think.
We finally get to a major roundabout and from there I get the motorway I *do* need. We head down there as fast as I can make it but this motorway is busier and the suns up now and we're heading east so the sun is blindly me and even with sunglasses on its very had to see the road.
At one point the sun is blindly me so much that as I over take a blue van I feel I'm too close to him so I slightly adjust our possition only to make the adjustment too far and I feel the tyres on the right bump over the cats eyes, so I move more to the left to compensate and then that's a little too much and then back to the right again. Really don't need this kind of swaying drama at this sort of speed.
We're finally one exit away on the motorway so I move into the lanes on the left one by one and get ready to come off. We come off the motorway and she calls her group leader again and tells him we're at the roundabout for the service station now. Yay, not too far now.
We take the second exit from the roundabout and head towards the service station, there's a big land rover in front of me and judging by how slow he's going it must be an old woman driving it! Urhhh, get out the way! I scream in my mind. I need to look for the coach car park but because this huge car is in the way I can't see the sign and go right when I should have gone left. I see several coaches parked further down on my left, where I should be and turn around in the car park to see if I can make it back there to where the coaches are but there isn't an exit. So I park as close the coaches as I can and say we can walk over. As I get out of the car I see 3 men coming our way and I'm sure they're the group leader and some helpers.
I apologize to the group leader and he is so nice and says, "don't worry, you're here now".
I look at the time, its 6:46am!
We open up the boot and he gasps when he sees the cases! "You're only gong for a week!" he says.
I laughed.
I hug and kiss the girls goodbye and off they go. The group leader and 2 helpers helping them with their luggage. I stand there for a moment watching their luggage being loaded into the coach and girls boarding it, handing the group leader their papers. Alhamdolilah! I call my husband and relay this image to him. He laughs and tells me well done. Hmmm, not sure about that. He's extended the booking for me so I have more than enough time to get the car back.
I come home and the journey on the way back was so quick. Less than 25 minutes and I was driving slowly. I don't know where it all went wrong. I had a cup of tea and got back into bed for bit but every time I closed my eyes, all I could see were my hands on the steering wheel, speeding down the motorway.
I text my step daughter and she's laughing about it now. Thanking me for getting them there and staying calm. The rest of their journey is easy and uneventful and they get to their destination on time as scheduled. Alhamdolilah. The organizers clearly are experienced and left ample time in their scheduling for such delays. God bless 'em.
Its a morning I will never forget! Lol.
Monday, 28 March 2011
Peace & Health
The house is quiet, you could hear a pin drop. I love moments like these. The house is clean, the kids are in bed. Everything that needs doing is done. Bliss. Alhamdolilah. And tomorrow it all starts again! Eeek!
Today I was told by one of my consultants that I have a form of Liver Disease. :( Booooo!
But on the up side its very treatable :) yayayay!
In a way I am actually pleased to know this because a) I now know what I'm dealing with and know what I can do to sort this and insha'Allah it will go into remission and b) I now know why I have been feeling utterly exhausted, all the time, everyday for the past 8-9 months or so.
I kept feeling so guilty for feeling so tired all the time. I was saying to my husband just this morning that I have no right to feel this exhausted, but now I find out actually, I can cut myself some slack and I do have a good reason for it. (I hate feeling tired, I associate it with laziness, and I absolutely detest laziness).
Anyway, please keep me in your duas.
Today I was told by one of my consultants that I have a form of Liver Disease. :( Booooo!
But on the up side its very treatable :) yayayay!
In a way I am actually pleased to know this because a) I now know what I'm dealing with and know what I can do to sort this and insha'Allah it will go into remission and b) I now know why I have been feeling utterly exhausted, all the time, everyday for the past 8-9 months or so.
I kept feeling so guilty for feeling so tired all the time. I was saying to my husband just this morning that I have no right to feel this exhausted, but now I find out actually, I can cut myself some slack and I do have a good reason for it. (I hate feeling tired, I associate it with laziness, and I absolutely detest laziness).
Anyway, please keep me in your duas.
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Dunya
There has been a lot of chatter recently about Muslim mums working outside of the home.
Some mothers chose to, some mothers need to.
I, alhamdolilah, do both. I am self employed and work from home. I chose my hours, my days, when I want to work and how. I can plan my day around the children's routines and alhamdolilah, my family does not need to rely on my income.
Islam tells us that a woman can work if she wishes to, but her husband has no right over what she earns, she can of course, spend it towards the family if she wishes to, but does not have to.
We now live in an age where people no longer marry partners that are equally matched. In the old days, if you lived in a small village in Pakistan somewhere, you were likely to marry someone from a small village nearby, or perhaps a small city nearby, but partners were certainly more evenly matched in that respect, i.e., coming from similar backgrounds, similar upbringing and growing up people were exposed to similar opportunities, (or the lack of as the case may be).
Now we are in an age where travel is easier and more affordable, the world is a smaller place, there are opportunities a plenty and people are marrying partners that are perhaps not so evenly matched, that didn't have a similar upbringing or similar opportunities in life.
I find more and more that I come across Muslimahs who were born and brought up this country, who benefited from a free education system and free health care and access to a wealth of information and knowledge. This is of course, one of the reasons our parents came to this country. To give their children the opportunities they didn't have. But often I find, these educated young ladies are marrying brothers from a less blessed background, often from a foreign country where people are keen to come to this country, marriage often making that possible. In some cases these brothers are well educated but their degrees and diplomas mean little or nothing here and are forced to work in lower paying jobs that they are far too qualified for or to set up whatever business they can try their hand at to earn a living to support their families. Allah provides and all our jobs do is keep us busy, we are deluded if we think these jobs are what sustains us. But in circumstances where the husband is not evenly matched for the wife, the wife often ends up having to work to help the household meet its needs. Personally, this is not something I agree with. I believe THE most important job for a mother is raising her children. There is nothing more important, vital, crucial or rewarding.
Alhamdolilah, by Allah's mercy I am blessed to be in the position I'm in. Many others aren't, but I want to share that there was a time when I thought I too *had* to work for my family and sometimes for my sanity.
When I left full time employment our household income was slashed by almost 40%. A huge chunk. But my husband and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Allah provides and we will be fine insha'Allah. And we alhamdolilah, are.
Don't get me wrong. Its not like my income wasn't relied upon. It very much was, but we decided to pay less attention to worldly things, to try and forget about Dunya and massively cut back our spending. We had to cut back on a huge amount of things, we don't go out and socialise, we don't eat out, we spend extremely little on clothes and shoes, we got rid of our car and walk to many places, or use the buses. We don't buy presents often. We don't have cable TV or Sky TV. We have the cheapest price plans on mobiles, home phone, broadband. We use water, electricity & gas sensibly. We don't live in the plushest part of town, although we absolutely love the place Allah has blessed us with. We don't take holidays, in the past five years or so, we've had 2 holidays, both were humble and fairly inexpensive. We made sacrifices for this to happen. We decided to put our money where our mouth is and live a humble existence. It could probably be more humble but we do our best. We had to work hard at living with one income and it isn't always easy, but Alhamdolilah, we're fine.
My current income from my self employed business is not a massive amount to say the least and all I earn from it, goes straight back into the business.
I believe Allah takes us through life showing us opportunities to better ourselves in some way. To teach us a lesson, to show us another way. I believe that when I decided to leave employment Allah's reasons were more than what I thought at that time. It was to prepare me for what was to come. But that's another story. Fact is I would not have been able to be the step mother I am, the role model I am, if I was working full time. Fact.
I don't think for a second that I am the best at it. Far from it. No-one is perfect, so how can there be a perfect mother? But we do the best we can.
I left work for different reasons, but later I found the true meaning of me being able to work from home.
More and more I see now what is happening to the new generation. I see bad and rowdy behaviour on our buses and public places, often girls at the forefront.
I recently went into one of the local businesses in my area and found they had two girls there for work experience. Their behaviour was shocking and it didn't surprise me to hear that the business owner had received many complaints from customers about the children's behaviour. I wondered if they come from household where the mother is working outside of the home.
Now, I know this may seem very judgmental of me, I'm making a huge generalization. But believe me, I'm saying all this with the utmost humility. I am humble about this. I know Allah has blessed me with the position I'm in. Alhamdulillah. But I'm saying this because I care about our Ummah, and our children are a massive part of that. How we raise them will play a huge role in years to come.
With all the recent earthquakes, Japan and the earthquake in Burma last week, many of us are thinking about the minor signs of the hour and the end times. Allah tells us that earthquakes will increase. All of the minor signs have come now. Its our duty to prepare the next generation. How can we do this if we're at work?
Its Dunya that tells us we must work, and send our children to school so they can study and grow up to work as well and join the "system". But in doing this we've forgotten that the only work that really matters is to learn our deen, apply it to our lives and live by it. We should be working for the hereafter, not for the here and now.
I think if a mother can work in a part-time job while the children are at school, or work around the children from home, go for it. Even if you'll be earning a lot less money, don't worry, Allah provides. Our financial situation has very little to do with us.
This life is an illusion. Its the next life we all need to be working for.
Some mothers chose to, some mothers need to.
I, alhamdolilah, do both. I am self employed and work from home. I chose my hours, my days, when I want to work and how. I can plan my day around the children's routines and alhamdolilah, my family does not need to rely on my income.
Islam tells us that a woman can work if she wishes to, but her husband has no right over what she earns, she can of course, spend it towards the family if she wishes to, but does not have to.
We now live in an age where people no longer marry partners that are equally matched. In the old days, if you lived in a small village in Pakistan somewhere, you were likely to marry someone from a small village nearby, or perhaps a small city nearby, but partners were certainly more evenly matched in that respect, i.e., coming from similar backgrounds, similar upbringing and growing up people were exposed to similar opportunities, (or the lack of as the case may be).
Now we are in an age where travel is easier and more affordable, the world is a smaller place, there are opportunities a plenty and people are marrying partners that are perhaps not so evenly matched, that didn't have a similar upbringing or similar opportunities in life.
I find more and more that I come across Muslimahs who were born and brought up this country, who benefited from a free education system and free health care and access to a wealth of information and knowledge. This is of course, one of the reasons our parents came to this country. To give their children the opportunities they didn't have. But often I find, these educated young ladies are marrying brothers from a less blessed background, often from a foreign country where people are keen to come to this country, marriage often making that possible. In some cases these brothers are well educated but their degrees and diplomas mean little or nothing here and are forced to work in lower paying jobs that they are far too qualified for or to set up whatever business they can try their hand at to earn a living to support their families. Allah provides and all our jobs do is keep us busy, we are deluded if we think these jobs are what sustains us. But in circumstances where the husband is not evenly matched for the wife, the wife often ends up having to work to help the household meet its needs. Personally, this is not something I agree with. I believe THE most important job for a mother is raising her children. There is nothing more important, vital, crucial or rewarding.
Alhamdolilah, by Allah's mercy I am blessed to be in the position I'm in. Many others aren't, but I want to share that there was a time when I thought I too *had* to work for my family and sometimes for my sanity.
When I left full time employment our household income was slashed by almost 40%. A huge chunk. But my husband and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Allah provides and we will be fine insha'Allah. And we alhamdolilah, are.
Don't get me wrong. Its not like my income wasn't relied upon. It very much was, but we decided to pay less attention to worldly things, to try and forget about Dunya and massively cut back our spending. We had to cut back on a huge amount of things, we don't go out and socialise, we don't eat out, we spend extremely little on clothes and shoes, we got rid of our car and walk to many places, or use the buses. We don't buy presents often. We don't have cable TV or Sky TV. We have the cheapest price plans on mobiles, home phone, broadband. We use water, electricity & gas sensibly. We don't live in the plushest part of town, although we absolutely love the place Allah has blessed us with. We don't take holidays, in the past five years or so, we've had 2 holidays, both were humble and fairly inexpensive. We made sacrifices for this to happen. We decided to put our money where our mouth is and live a humble existence. It could probably be more humble but we do our best. We had to work hard at living with one income and it isn't always easy, but Alhamdolilah, we're fine.
My current income from my self employed business is not a massive amount to say the least and all I earn from it, goes straight back into the business.
I believe Allah takes us through life showing us opportunities to better ourselves in some way. To teach us a lesson, to show us another way. I believe that when I decided to leave employment Allah's reasons were more than what I thought at that time. It was to prepare me for what was to come. But that's another story. Fact is I would not have been able to be the step mother I am, the role model I am, if I was working full time. Fact.
I don't think for a second that I am the best at it. Far from it. No-one is perfect, so how can there be a perfect mother? But we do the best we can.
I left work for different reasons, but later I found the true meaning of me being able to work from home.
More and more I see now what is happening to the new generation. I see bad and rowdy behaviour on our buses and public places, often girls at the forefront.
I recently went into one of the local businesses in my area and found they had two girls there for work experience. Their behaviour was shocking and it didn't surprise me to hear that the business owner had received many complaints from customers about the children's behaviour. I wondered if they come from household where the mother is working outside of the home.
Now, I know this may seem very judgmental of me, I'm making a huge generalization. But believe me, I'm saying all this with the utmost humility. I am humble about this. I know Allah has blessed me with the position I'm in. Alhamdulillah. But I'm saying this because I care about our Ummah, and our children are a massive part of that. How we raise them will play a huge role in years to come.
With all the recent earthquakes, Japan and the earthquake in Burma last week, many of us are thinking about the minor signs of the hour and the end times. Allah tells us that earthquakes will increase. All of the minor signs have come now. Its our duty to prepare the next generation. How can we do this if we're at work?
Its Dunya that tells us we must work, and send our children to school so they can study and grow up to work as well and join the "system". But in doing this we've forgotten that the only work that really matters is to learn our deen, apply it to our lives and live by it. We should be working for the hereafter, not for the here and now.
I think if a mother can work in a part-time job while the children are at school, or work around the children from home, go for it. Even if you'll be earning a lot less money, don't worry, Allah provides. Our financial situation has very little to do with us.
This life is an illusion. Its the next life we all need to be working for.
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Meeting an old friend
Today I met an old friend I haven't seen in 3 years! Our lives are so busy and we live far from each other and it just hasn't been easy to meet up. But this week we both made a special effort.
The last time I spoke to her at length was about a year ago and she told me she had started wearing hijab, she sent me a picture and masha'Allah she looked so beautiful. I don't know what its like if you've always worn it, but for me I started wearing it a few years back after I converted to Islam and it really was a big deal for me. I used to pray to Allah (swt) to give me the strength to wear it, it was a very big deal for me. But I wanted to do it and had thought about it for a while. During the first few months of wearing it, it really affected me, even in my dreams.
In my dreams, no matter what the dream was about if I saw myself or became aware that I was not wearing hijab in my dream, it would suddenly wake me up in a panic because I'd feel upset that I wasn't wearing it in my dream. Silly I know. But it was so deeply embedded in my mind. Alhamdolilah, I love wearing hijab. I wear it with pride, May Allah (swt) continue to give me the courage and pride to wear it.
Anyway, my point is that I don't know what its like for those who have worn it from a young age, but I know what it was like for me when I started wearing it in my twenties.
Today when I met my friend, I found it surprising as I drew closer to her, I realized she wasn't wearing hijab. I was so happy to see her though and we hugged and sat down somewhere for coffee.
Soon after she told me herself that she had stopped wearing it because she "just couldn't do it". I know first hand how it can be but I felt sad that she didn't persist and only tried for a short time. I also didn't agree with what she was wearing because part of her outfit was see through and I could see flesh where I really shouldn't be able to. Now, I'm not judging her personally, that's not my job, but she's changed so much now that I'm finding it hard to understand her and I miss the friend I had and miss that I've lost someone I had so much in common with.
Her mum is very religious and so is her father. She had the best upbringing Islam-wise and best role models and examples, but somehow that hasn't rubbed off on her. I find her full of contradictions and although she's in her thirties and a mother, she doesn't seem to have it together with her religion.
It saddens me. She used to. It was the contradictions that saddened me more than the outfit.
I have a Hindu friend who I care about a lot and respect, but I always thought that this particular Muslim friend was someone I had more in common with, now it feels like they're about even.
The last time I spoke to her at length was about a year ago and she told me she had started wearing hijab, she sent me a picture and masha'Allah she looked so beautiful. I don't know what its like if you've always worn it, but for me I started wearing it a few years back after I converted to Islam and it really was a big deal for me. I used to pray to Allah (swt) to give me the strength to wear it, it was a very big deal for me. But I wanted to do it and had thought about it for a while. During the first few months of wearing it, it really affected me, even in my dreams.
In my dreams, no matter what the dream was about if I saw myself or became aware that I was not wearing hijab in my dream, it would suddenly wake me up in a panic because I'd feel upset that I wasn't wearing it in my dream. Silly I know. But it was so deeply embedded in my mind. Alhamdolilah, I love wearing hijab. I wear it with pride, May Allah (swt) continue to give me the courage and pride to wear it.
Anyway, my point is that I don't know what its like for those who have worn it from a young age, but I know what it was like for me when I started wearing it in my twenties.
Today when I met my friend, I found it surprising as I drew closer to her, I realized she wasn't wearing hijab. I was so happy to see her though and we hugged and sat down somewhere for coffee.
Soon after she told me herself that she had stopped wearing it because she "just couldn't do it". I know first hand how it can be but I felt sad that she didn't persist and only tried for a short time. I also didn't agree with what she was wearing because part of her outfit was see through and I could see flesh where I really shouldn't be able to. Now, I'm not judging her personally, that's not my job, but she's changed so much now that I'm finding it hard to understand her and I miss the friend I had and miss that I've lost someone I had so much in common with.
Her mum is very religious and so is her father. She had the best upbringing Islam-wise and best role models and examples, but somehow that hasn't rubbed off on her. I find her full of contradictions and although she's in her thirties and a mother, she doesn't seem to have it together with her religion.
It saddens me. She used to. It was the contradictions that saddened me more than the outfit.
I have a Hindu friend who I care about a lot and respect, but I always thought that this particular Muslim friend was someone I had more in common with, now it feels like they're about even.
Friday, 17 September 2010
Our Eid Party
I've been meaning to post about this for days but didn't get around to it.
This year we had an Eid-ul-Fitr party at our place.
I love parties and any other kind of entertaining. I love planning a menu out, thinking about personal touches, paying attention to the small details. I love it from start to finish. Sometimes I think I should be an events organizer, but I would only want to do halal events with no booze or pork products! But lets face it, every Muslim household can put an event together.
Anyway, this year I decided to put up a red canape on the ceiling to create a cosy Arabian tent like feeling. Last year on my step daughters birthday we came up with this idea and we all liked it so much.
So we had the canape up, we had fairy lights draped over a bookcase, red lanterns with candles inside, the dining table was decorated with red flower arrangements and candles. Next to where I served the starters I also had a wide shallow bowl filled with water which had floating candles in. It was lovely, everyone was so surprised and really impressed with our creativeness.
The food was well liked too. For starters I made mini shami kebab, mini samose and chicken tikka. I didn't want people filling up too much on starters, so I made everything in a mini size, with them I served, mint and coriander chutney, a yogurt chutney, imli and a spicy ketchup type chutney.
For main course I served lamb curry, chicken curry, channe, pilao, naan, grilled chops, yogurt, salad.
And for desert I made gulab jamun and served them warm with vanilla ice cream. Yummy!
Everyone really enjoyed the evening. There was a lovely atmosphere, we chatted and laughed until late, one of my guests did my mendhi after I served tea since I didn't get around to it the night before, (because of all the prep).
For the little kiddies, when they arrived I gave them little goody bags to keep them busy during the evening. I put in those bottles you get to blow bubbles with, some chocs and treats, that went down nicely too. After tea we gave the children their Eid presents, everyone really liked what they got. And as everyone left I handed out little packages of cupcakes I made the day before, packaged in cellophane and tied with ribbon.
Everyone appreciated the thought and effort that went into it, and I think this one will certainly be a memorable Eid for everyone, not only because of the decoration and attention to detail, but also because of the lovely atmosphere. My younger step daughter said it was the best Eid ever, so that's a massive compliment!
Here are some pics:
Monday, 13 September 2010
Eid Mubarak
The blessed month of Ramadan has passed so quickly.
Eid Mubarak to everyone everywhere, May Allah (swt) accept our prayers, forgive us for our sins and continue to guide us and keep us on the straight path and protects us from shaytan. Ameen.
Eid Mubarak to everyone everywhere, May Allah (swt) accept our prayers, forgive us for our sins and continue to guide us and keep us on the straight path and protects us from shaytan. Ameen.
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Being a stepmum
Some days I think its harder being a step mum than it is being a biological mum.
With your own child, you've bonded, nurtured it, you can explain things in a way that he/she will understand. There is your imprint on that child, a connection.
When you're a step mum, you have to find ways of reaching that child, of communicating, bonding and understanding one another. All the while, you constantly have this barrier between you of someone elses imprinting, another persons heavy influence and that's when a push / pull situation starts.
Don't get me wrong, both my step children are lovely, but there are testing moments, as is the case with all children, and perhaps even more so with teenagers.
A big part of the tension I think is that their mum has brought them up very differently to how my husband and I now do. They haven't had a religious environment and now although they would never say, I think at times they find our religious practice a little too much, perhaps "slightly overwhelming" is a better description.
They are both bombarded with western influences and their friends parents are a lot more relaxed about things than we are.
Another part of it I think is their age, with toddlers you still have a chance to bond with them. I want to spend more time with them bonding, I really do, but sometimes I'm busy with work or chores and sometimes they've already made plans. On several occasions now, I've thought to myself, "tomorrow perhaps we can do this..." and then when tomorrow comes I find out they've already made plans and its too late. I need to get in there quicker before they plan something else.
Other times, we make plans, and then something changes and it doesn't happen.
Like yesterday for example, the youngest said to me, "we haven't spent anytime together in ages, I want to spend some time with you" (so cute), so I jumped at the chance, this was my window, I changed my plans, decided to postpone a few things, and cleared my diary and suggested a few things we could do. She popped out to buy something and when she came back, she'd decided that instead she wanted to do something that just involved her, she said when she's done, she'd like to do what we had planned. But that never happened.
This kind of thing has happened a few times now and I don't blame her, it's not intentional on her part, she doesn't realize that she's making plans with me and then not doing them. She's free spirited, the kind of person that thinks outside of the box, and I like that.
There are so many daily challenges that I couldn't even list them to you. All I can do is be patient, make myself available and be kind and loving.
If anyone has any suggestions on fun activities to do with teenagers, I would love to hear them. Funny thing is when I was a kid, my elders never made time to do fun activities with me. In the holidays we just kept ourselves busy and helped out around the house without being asked. These days things are different. And even if they were my own biological children, I would still be thinking of things to keep them entertained.
With your own child, you've bonded, nurtured it, you can explain things in a way that he/she will understand. There is your imprint on that child, a connection.
When you're a step mum, you have to find ways of reaching that child, of communicating, bonding and understanding one another. All the while, you constantly have this barrier between you of someone elses imprinting, another persons heavy influence and that's when a push / pull situation starts.
Don't get me wrong, both my step children are lovely, but there are testing moments, as is the case with all children, and perhaps even more so with teenagers.
A big part of the tension I think is that their mum has brought them up very differently to how my husband and I now do. They haven't had a religious environment and now although they would never say, I think at times they find our religious practice a little too much, perhaps "slightly overwhelming" is a better description.
They are both bombarded with western influences and their friends parents are a lot more relaxed about things than we are.
Another part of it I think is their age, with toddlers you still have a chance to bond with them. I want to spend more time with them bonding, I really do, but sometimes I'm busy with work or chores and sometimes they've already made plans. On several occasions now, I've thought to myself, "tomorrow perhaps we can do this..." and then when tomorrow comes I find out they've already made plans and its too late. I need to get in there quicker before they plan something else.
Other times, we make plans, and then something changes and it doesn't happen.
Like yesterday for example, the youngest said to me, "we haven't spent anytime together in ages, I want to spend some time with you" (so cute), so I jumped at the chance, this was my window, I changed my plans, decided to postpone a few things, and cleared my diary and suggested a few things we could do. She popped out to buy something and when she came back, she'd decided that instead she wanted to do something that just involved her, she said when she's done, she'd like to do what we had planned. But that never happened.
This kind of thing has happened a few times now and I don't blame her, it's not intentional on her part, she doesn't realize that she's making plans with me and then not doing them. She's free spirited, the kind of person that thinks outside of the box, and I like that.
There are so many daily challenges that I couldn't even list them to you. All I can do is be patient, make myself available and be kind and loving.
If anyone has any suggestions on fun activities to do with teenagers, I would love to hear them. Funny thing is when I was a kid, my elders never made time to do fun activities with me. In the holidays we just kept ourselves busy and helped out around the house without being asked. These days things are different. And even if they were my own biological children, I would still be thinking of things to keep them entertained.
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
Ramadan & Food
This year I decided that during Ramadan I am not going to make as much food as I usually do.
In previous years, we've broken our fast with a feast! Feast for our eyes, feast for our taste buds and for our bellies! Juices, dates, fruit salad, samose, or pakore, or kebab this chutney and that chutney and such. Pray Maghrib, then sit down to a pretty big meal.
This year, I decided all that food wasn't necessary so I've kept it simple. We break our fast with water and a date or two. Pray Maghrib. Then sit down to a small meal. Something we would usually have any other time of the year.
So for example, some grilled chicken, green beans and a salad, or a stir fry. Something simple, and low carb, (I find it so difficult to finish a meal with carbs after fasting the whole day).
Then insha'Allah when Eid comes round, that'll be when our feast happens and we'll all appreciate it more too.
I just keep thinking of all the poor people across the world who won't have any food at all to break their fast with, Muslim or not. So many people will go to sleep feeling hungry tonight, while we get to quench our thirst and satisfy our appetite.
My family in Pakistan were saying that before the floods happened, milk was already difficult to get hold of, and the cost of meat was very high, but since the floods, so many animals have died, they don't know what will happen now.
We are blessed to be living in the west were we have supermarkets and halal meat shops on almost every high street. I don't want my family to take that for granted.
In previous years, we've broken our fast with a feast! Feast for our eyes, feast for our taste buds and for our bellies! Juices, dates, fruit salad, samose, or pakore, or kebab this chutney and that chutney and such. Pray Maghrib, then sit down to a pretty big meal.
This year, I decided all that food wasn't necessary so I've kept it simple. We break our fast with water and a date or two. Pray Maghrib. Then sit down to a small meal. Something we would usually have any other time of the year.
So for example, some grilled chicken, green beans and a salad, or a stir fry. Something simple, and low carb, (I find it so difficult to finish a meal with carbs after fasting the whole day).
Then insha'Allah when Eid comes round, that'll be when our feast happens and we'll all appreciate it more too.
I just keep thinking of all the poor people across the world who won't have any food at all to break their fast with, Muslim or not. So many people will go to sleep feeling hungry tonight, while we get to quench our thirst and satisfy our appetite.
My family in Pakistan were saying that before the floods happened, milk was already difficult to get hold of, and the cost of meat was very high, but since the floods, so many animals have died, they don't know what will happen now.
We are blessed to be living in the west were we have supermarkets and halal meat shops on almost every high street. I don't want my family to take that for granted.
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Ramadan Mubarak
Its finally Ramadan! Ramadan Mubarak to everyone, May Allah (SWT) make our fasts easy for us, and forgive us for our sins, continue to guide us and draw us closer to His mercy and love for us.
May this month be full of learning, enlightenment and growth, insha'Allah, Ameen.
May this month be full of learning, enlightenment and growth, insha'Allah, Ameen.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Rheumatoid Blues
I feel so awful today. I haven't felt this bad in ages now.
I had a million things to do today, I wanted to get so many things done before Ramadan starts, which is only tomorrow! But I just couldn't get up today and resting or sleeping for longer usually helps my joints when they're bad. But today not even that helped. My joints are painful, my cartilage is crunching, I hate that acid like feeling inside the joints, everything hurts, my chest is even more painful than usual today and I'm struggling to stand up straight.
I wanted to finalize all our Eid outfits before Ramadan, I don't want to shop whilst fasting especially as these fasts will be pretty long. Which is why I really have to go to the shops today and tie up a few lose ends on outfits. I also need to make a batch of samose and someone as organized as I am now feels terribly disorganized and that's really bugging me too.
I feel like crawling back into bed but I haven't got time to sleep, but then again, if I don't rest today I may not be well enough to keep a fast tomorrow :-(
I think I'm going to have to rest and just do as much as I can sensibly manage.
I had a million things to do today, I wanted to get so many things done before Ramadan starts, which is only tomorrow! But I just couldn't get up today and resting or sleeping for longer usually helps my joints when they're bad. But today not even that helped. My joints are painful, my cartilage is crunching, I hate that acid like feeling inside the joints, everything hurts, my chest is even more painful than usual today and I'm struggling to stand up straight.
I wanted to finalize all our Eid outfits before Ramadan, I don't want to shop whilst fasting especially as these fasts will be pretty long. Which is why I really have to go to the shops today and tie up a few lose ends on outfits. I also need to make a batch of samose and someone as organized as I am now feels terribly disorganized and that's really bugging me too.
I feel like crawling back into bed but I haven't got time to sleep, but then again, if I don't rest today I may not be well enough to keep a fast tomorrow :-(
I think I'm going to have to rest and just do as much as I can sensibly manage.
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
Allah knows best
I've recently been thinking a lot about a friend that I haven't spoken with in some years now.
This friend used to be a colleague of mine. We worked in the same office but in completely different departments, we would get chatting over the photocopy machine and that's how our friendship started.
When I got married, she and one other person were the only people I invited from my office to my wedding. I had a small wedding, so each and every person there was very dear and special.
Soon after I got married I changed jobs and my new office was nowhere near the old. But we continued to stay in touch over email, SMS and phone. We met up a few times, and when I was with her I always enjoyed her company, we got on well, understood each other, had a similar sense of humour, made each other laugh a lot.
Soon after that I started wearing hijab. I was a little nervous at how certain people might feel about it, but thought if they are true friends it won't bother them.
The response I got from colleagues was really positive actually. It was a great conversation starter, and people were sincere and interested to hear about my reasons behind it.
People from my office were also friends with people from my old office where I used to work, where my friend still worked.
Gradually I found that every time I texted her, I wouldn't get a reply, if I called, no-one answered, if I left a voicemail no-one returned my call, if I emailed, still no response. This went on for almost a year and then one day I finally got a response to a voicemail, in the form of a text, saying "sorry, manic year, all is well, hope you're ok". That was it, despite more attempts on my part I have not had any other contact from her. And lately, I have been wondering if she had heard about my hijab from someone and maybe that was why she stepped away from me. I know that if that is the case then I should just think that I now know that she isn't a true friend, but I just find that so hard to accept. You have to remember, my wedding was really small, and she came to it because her friendship was really important and valued, how can such an important friendship just vanish like that? I thought she was a friend for life.
So it hurts.
But yesterday when I was reading Qur'an something I've read many times before just clicked something new within me.
I won't go into what it was that I read, as I don't wanted to be quoted out of context later by anyone, so often in the western media verses from the Qur'an are quoted out of context and makes our holy book and Muslims look bad. But the point is that Allah (swt) has given us so much guidance in the Qur'an and He knows best, and even though that has been difficult for me to swallow that I no longer have her friendship, I now feel satisfied and at rest about it since reading that verse, and its something I've read so many times before, but this time, its meaning had something more for me. I love that about the Qur'an no matter how many times you read it, you still learn something new from it.
This friend used to be a colleague of mine. We worked in the same office but in completely different departments, we would get chatting over the photocopy machine and that's how our friendship started.
When I got married, she and one other person were the only people I invited from my office to my wedding. I had a small wedding, so each and every person there was very dear and special.
Soon after I got married I changed jobs and my new office was nowhere near the old. But we continued to stay in touch over email, SMS and phone. We met up a few times, and when I was with her I always enjoyed her company, we got on well, understood each other, had a similar sense of humour, made each other laugh a lot.
Soon after that I started wearing hijab. I was a little nervous at how certain people might feel about it, but thought if they are true friends it won't bother them.
The response I got from colleagues was really positive actually. It was a great conversation starter, and people were sincere and interested to hear about my reasons behind it.
People from my office were also friends with people from my old office where I used to work, where my friend still worked.
Gradually I found that every time I texted her, I wouldn't get a reply, if I called, no-one answered, if I left a voicemail no-one returned my call, if I emailed, still no response. This went on for almost a year and then one day I finally got a response to a voicemail, in the form of a text, saying "sorry, manic year, all is well, hope you're ok". That was it, despite more attempts on my part I have not had any other contact from her. And lately, I have been wondering if she had heard about my hijab from someone and maybe that was why she stepped away from me. I know that if that is the case then I should just think that I now know that she isn't a true friend, but I just find that so hard to accept. You have to remember, my wedding was really small, and she came to it because her friendship was really important and valued, how can such an important friendship just vanish like that? I thought she was a friend for life.
So it hurts.
But yesterday when I was reading Qur'an something I've read many times before just clicked something new within me.
I won't go into what it was that I read, as I don't wanted to be quoted out of context later by anyone, so often in the western media verses from the Qur'an are quoted out of context and makes our holy book and Muslims look bad. But the point is that Allah (swt) has given us so much guidance in the Qur'an and He knows best, and even though that has been difficult for me to swallow that I no longer have her friendship, I now feel satisfied and at rest about it since reading that verse, and its something I've read so many times before, but this time, its meaning had something more for me. I love that about the Qur'an no matter how many times you read it, you still learn something new from it.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Blueberry yuminess
A few days ago the eldest fancied baking something, (each week I bake something for them but this week the eldest wanted to).
So after thinking about it, she declared she wanted to bake a blueberry pie. Yum. This is what she baked, I was very proud of her.
It was so delicious, the hardest part was waiting for it too cool down enough to eat! We had a slice with vanilla ice cream.
If you'd like to try a slice of this yuminess here's what we did.
Made shortcrust pastry
250g plain flour
50g icing sugar
125g cold butter
Sift the flour and icing sugar, add the butter and rub it in till it looks like breadcrumbs.
Add an egg and a splash of milk. bring it together roughly, do not over mix it, it should look like the wet ingredients aren't properly mixed in with the dry. Pour onto your work top, pat it down and together, wrap in cling film, and put in the fridge for 30 mins.
Roll your pastry out between 2 sheets of cling film to make it easier, line your dish with the pastry, trim off the edges. Put the dish in the fridge for 30 mins.
Roll remaining pastry out and cut into strips.
For the filing
570g blueberries, fresh or frozen, or any other berries you fancy.
50g caster sugar
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp corn flour
Mix all together. Take the dish out of the fridge and pour the filling straight onto the uncooked pastry. Then make the criss cross pattern with the strips of pastry. Brush pastry with milk.
Bake at 180 for fan ovens for 20 mins, then turn down to 155 for 35 mins.
Should be served at room temperature with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. Will keep for 2 - 3 days at room temperature.
Enjoy!
My search for the perfect shoe
As some of you know now, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I've had it for a few years and I've now reached the point in the disease where I need to wear much more comfy footwear.
This is quite difficult for me to accept, my background is in fashion and I have always been the one that was trendy and fashionable in my family and amongst my friends.
Having said that though, I have now accepted that I need better footwear with support and comfort. So I recently embarked on what I now know as a mission in its own right, to find a pair of comfy shoes.
When you think of comfy footwear, your mind goes to the likes of Clarks, or Hush Puppies, or perhaps even Russell and Bromley. But when shopping there, I found that Clarks shoes were comfy, but so ugly even with my new found acceptance, I could not bare to wear them, they were the kind of shoes my mum would wear, and that's fine for someone in her 70's, but not for me.
Hush Puppies are pricey, but ok, I'll spend the extra money if they're good, I was disappointed there too. Forget Russell & Bromley for the same reason.
I have searched high and low on the high street for the perfect pair of comfortable shoes that will offer me support and comfort and not be too ugly to look at either.
Since my high street search proved unsuccessful I decided to hit the internet in pursuit of the perfect pair. I have tried a brand that John Lewis carry called Gabor, ordered a pair I liked but they were too big, so sent them back and they didn't have the next size down.
I have ordered Gabor shoes from another site I came across called Javari and they seemed lovely, fitted well, and thought, yes, the end of my search has come, I finally have found THE pair. So I wore them out in my local area, and they dug into the back of my heel so much that my feet bled. So that was no good. I ordered another pair, and they too were no good.
Then I tried shoes by Scholl, I never knew they did footwear, I thought they only did foot cream and soles and corn plasters etc, but these shoes were apparently very good, they offer support and comfort in all the right places, they relieve your legs of that tired achy feeling after a long day on your feet, and they are gentle on your joints, perfect for me right? Wrong. I can not believe I am in between sizes and they don't do half sizes, and the width is too narrow, I am bigger than a standard width but narrower than a wider fit in the Scholl shoes.
I have ordered more than half a dozen shoes now and sent them back and I do not know what to do now.
Is there anyone out there that can help / advise on what shoes might be good for me?
This is quite difficult for me to accept, my background is in fashion and I have always been the one that was trendy and fashionable in my family and amongst my friends.
Having said that though, I have now accepted that I need better footwear with support and comfort. So I recently embarked on what I now know as a mission in its own right, to find a pair of comfy shoes.
When you think of comfy footwear, your mind goes to the likes of Clarks, or Hush Puppies, or perhaps even Russell and Bromley. But when shopping there, I found that Clarks shoes were comfy, but so ugly even with my new found acceptance, I could not bare to wear them, they were the kind of shoes my mum would wear, and that's fine for someone in her 70's, but not for me.
Hush Puppies are pricey, but ok, I'll spend the extra money if they're good, I was disappointed there too. Forget Russell & Bromley for the same reason.
I have searched high and low on the high street for the perfect pair of comfortable shoes that will offer me support and comfort and not be too ugly to look at either.
Since my high street search proved unsuccessful I decided to hit the internet in pursuit of the perfect pair. I have tried a brand that John Lewis carry called Gabor, ordered a pair I liked but they were too big, so sent them back and they didn't have the next size down.
I have ordered Gabor shoes from another site I came across called Javari and they seemed lovely, fitted well, and thought, yes, the end of my search has come, I finally have found THE pair. So I wore them out in my local area, and they dug into the back of my heel so much that my feet bled. So that was no good. I ordered another pair, and they too were no good.
Then I tried shoes by Scholl, I never knew they did footwear, I thought they only did foot cream and soles and corn plasters etc, but these shoes were apparently very good, they offer support and comfort in all the right places, they relieve your legs of that tired achy feeling after a long day on your feet, and they are gentle on your joints, perfect for me right? Wrong. I can not believe I am in between sizes and they don't do half sizes, and the width is too narrow, I am bigger than a standard width but narrower than a wider fit in the Scholl shoes.
I have ordered more than half a dozen shoes now and sent them back and I do not know what to do now.
Is there anyone out there that can help / advise on what shoes might be good for me?
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Allah's Blessings
How is it that in this day and age, it takes around 86 days to cap an oil well leak.
If I recall correctly BP were aware of a leak before the explosion happened, the explosion just made the leak worse.
To think of all that oil gushing into the sea for almost 3 months now. I hate to think of all the devastation to the poor wild life that's been caused. This is the worst oil spill in history.
It is amazing though, Allah (swt) has placed oil beneath land and sea and has given us the brain power and capability to reach it and find so many uses for it. His mercy is boundless and He has blessed us with so many things.
If I recall correctly BP were aware of a leak before the explosion happened, the explosion just made the leak worse.
To think of all that oil gushing into the sea for almost 3 months now. I hate to think of all the devastation to the poor wild life that's been caused. This is the worst oil spill in history.
It is amazing though, Allah (swt) has placed oil beneath land and sea and has given us the brain power and capability to reach it and find so many uses for it. His mercy is boundless and He has blessed us with so many things.
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
Kids & food
It isn't always easy getting kids to eat fish.
My step children are lovely, they never complain about what I cook them, they happily eat it even when they're not keen on it. With the eldest its easier, but the younger one is a bit more particular, for example, she's not keen on fish, but she will eat it. Even if the poor thing's still sitting at the table finishing after everyone else has left.
But I have found, white fish, without skin and without bones (obviously), goes down much easier! Its even better when you make the plate of food look colourful. This is what we had last night.
I baked the fish topped with a spoonful of sliced black olives, chopped pickled red peppers, a clove of garlic sliced, salt & pepper and a good glug of olive oil. Then wrapped it in a parcel of greaseproof paper.
Asparagus and a big salad on the side.
No complaints, went down before you could say "chargrilled asparagus" .
Summer hols 2010!!!
The school holidays are fast approaching and this is about the time I start thinking about what to do with the kids.
I work for home and find having a white board great for creative thinking, brainstorming and organizing myself, but as the holidays approach, I always give the white board to the kids and tell them to list all the things they would like to do during the holidays and we'll do as many of them as we can.
So far for the Summer holidays we have on the white board:
Picnics in various parks around London.
Cycling, walking, jogging.
Shopping.
Visiting the Science Museum to see the Butterfly House.
Experimenting with photography.
And one that I'm adding in is baking! Hey come on, you gotta have some cup cakes and things during the Summer hols!!! ;-)
Has anyone got any suggestions or ideas on what else to do with teenagers during the hols? It's easier to do stuff with kids when they're younger, but it's harder with teenagers so would appreciate any tips you may have!
I work for home and find having a white board great for creative thinking, brainstorming and organizing myself, but as the holidays approach, I always give the white board to the kids and tell them to list all the things they would like to do during the holidays and we'll do as many of them as we can.
So far for the Summer holidays we have on the white board:
Picnics in various parks around London.
Cycling, walking, jogging.
Shopping.
Visiting the Science Museum to see the Butterfly House.
Experimenting with photography.
And one that I'm adding in is baking! Hey come on, you gotta have some cup cakes and things during the Summer hols!!! ;-)
Has anyone got any suggestions or ideas on what else to do with teenagers during the hols? It's easier to do stuff with kids when they're younger, but it's harder with teenagers so would appreciate any tips you may have!
The NHS
A few years back, exactly one week after I turned 29, I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis.
The studies tell you that anyone from 20 to 50 years old can develop this, but the odds that someone as young as me will develop it are minimal.
It came on very quickly, literally over night. I went to sleep feeling fine and normal and woke up with a body full of pain and stiffness. At first I thought I had caught a chill during the night, perhaps the duvet had come off me and it was winter time. So I kept warm all day and had a hot bath that evening. The next morning, I woke up feeling a fraction worse.
After a week of this I went to see the Doctor. My regular GP was on holiday so I saw a Locum. He did some preliminary push / pull tests on me and said, you're too young for Rheumatoid Arthritis, it can't be that, you've probably picked up a virus that's all. Rest and if in 2 weeks you still feel the same, come back and have this blood test done, he handed me a blood test form, and off I went. Feeling a little fobbed off and not convinced by his exam and assessment I slowly walked home, crocked and crouching because it was too painful to stand up straight. But I decided to give his advice a fair chance and follow doctors orders.
Over the next week, I deteriorated even more. I was developing more and more symptoms and my husband was worrying a lot and started googling my symptoms.
I had the blood test done, after a week. But before I could get the results back I went to see my usual GP. I was in so much pain that I just could not wait any longer, and had to see her because the amount of pain I was in was just not normal. I couldn't sleep, could barely dress myself, struggled to shower and squeeze the shampoo bottle, I was struggling to work and started taking the odd day off. Even breathing would hurt my joints, just the slightest movement was painful. I was so stiff it was difficult to put my arms through sleeves.
My Doctor, as usual, was excellent and recognized immediately things weren't right, she repeated my tests, and gave me anti-inflammatory pain killers. Less than a week later, my results were in and it wasn't good, it looked like Rheumatoid but she referred me to a specialist for a full and proper diagnosis.
I got to see the specialist within a couple of weeks. She examined me and ran lots of blood tests, asked a million questions and had two strong theories about my case. She prescribed me some more serious anti-inflammatory pain killers and I saw her the next morning, (yes, they got the blood test results back that quickly). She confirmed, it was Rheumatoid Arthritis. She also suspected I had Sjorgren's syndrome which after a biopsy was ruled out Alhamdolilah.
My treatment started immediately, I was given a specialist nurse to contact with any questions either by phone or email. I was given all the details I needed to contact my specialist as well. I had access to a wealth of support and knowledge and understanding.
The first thing they teach you about this disease and they tell you to explain to your friends and family so they can understand, is that with it, you experience a new level of tiredness and fatigue, like nothing you've ever felt before.
Before I could run for 5 miles and feel good at the end of it, I would have the energy to go home and prepare a feast, cook for hours, clean the house, entertain and would still feel good at the end of the day. But now, I have to take baby steps and pace myself, and even now, I still struggle to find the right balance, and knowing when to stop isn't so easy. With this disease every aspect of your life changes, and things you took for granted before, are now not always possible.
On bad days its debilitating and hideous, you feel utterly useless and even making yourself a cup of tea is a mission. Forget about chores, and if you haven't got something easy prepared for dinner, even cooking for the family is a nightmare. Sleep is constantly disrupted because every toss and turn is painful and you pray to Allah to make your struggle easy to bare and to give you strength. Prostrating in prayer is impossible and on those days I would have to sit on a chair to pray, like the elderly do. Even brushing your teeth is painful and can bring tears to your eyes. (Alhamdolilah I haven't had a day like that in a while now). On good days you can just about manage to do the things you need to do, like work a little bit, run your household, a few chores and cook food for your family, at the end of that day you're exhausted but you know sleep will bring you some respite.
My situation would be miles worse though if I didn't have the support, understanding and advice of the NHS. They have been amazing, efficient, pro-active and so on-the-ball that I can't credit them enough. Often we hear horror stories about the NHS, about the lack of cleanliness and hygiene in hospitals, about when medical professionals have dropped the ball big time, but we never hear about how well they do, and to be honest, the horror stories are the minority and most of the time, they're brilliant.
My GP, Specialist, and Specialist Nurse are all amazing people and may Allah Bless them for their good work and the help they provide for people like me.
The studies tell you that anyone from 20 to 50 years old can develop this, but the odds that someone as young as me will develop it are minimal.
It came on very quickly, literally over night. I went to sleep feeling fine and normal and woke up with a body full of pain and stiffness. At first I thought I had caught a chill during the night, perhaps the duvet had come off me and it was winter time. So I kept warm all day and had a hot bath that evening. The next morning, I woke up feeling a fraction worse.
After a week of this I went to see the Doctor. My regular GP was on holiday so I saw a Locum. He did some preliminary push / pull tests on me and said, you're too young for Rheumatoid Arthritis, it can't be that, you've probably picked up a virus that's all. Rest and if in 2 weeks you still feel the same, come back and have this blood test done, he handed me a blood test form, and off I went. Feeling a little fobbed off and not convinced by his exam and assessment I slowly walked home, crocked and crouching because it was too painful to stand up straight. But I decided to give his advice a fair chance and follow doctors orders.
Over the next week, I deteriorated even more. I was developing more and more symptoms and my husband was worrying a lot and started googling my symptoms.
I had the blood test done, after a week. But before I could get the results back I went to see my usual GP. I was in so much pain that I just could not wait any longer, and had to see her because the amount of pain I was in was just not normal. I couldn't sleep, could barely dress myself, struggled to shower and squeeze the shampoo bottle, I was struggling to work and started taking the odd day off. Even breathing would hurt my joints, just the slightest movement was painful. I was so stiff it was difficult to put my arms through sleeves.
My Doctor, as usual, was excellent and recognized immediately things weren't right, she repeated my tests, and gave me anti-inflammatory pain killers. Less than a week later, my results were in and it wasn't good, it looked like Rheumatoid but she referred me to a specialist for a full and proper diagnosis.
I got to see the specialist within a couple of weeks. She examined me and ran lots of blood tests, asked a million questions and had two strong theories about my case. She prescribed me some more serious anti-inflammatory pain killers and I saw her the next morning, (yes, they got the blood test results back that quickly). She confirmed, it was Rheumatoid Arthritis. She also suspected I had Sjorgren's syndrome which after a biopsy was ruled out Alhamdolilah.
My treatment started immediately, I was given a specialist nurse to contact with any questions either by phone or email. I was given all the details I needed to contact my specialist as well. I had access to a wealth of support and knowledge and understanding.
The first thing they teach you about this disease and they tell you to explain to your friends and family so they can understand, is that with it, you experience a new level of tiredness and fatigue, like nothing you've ever felt before.
Before I could run for 5 miles and feel good at the end of it, I would have the energy to go home and prepare a feast, cook for hours, clean the house, entertain and would still feel good at the end of the day. But now, I have to take baby steps and pace myself, and even now, I still struggle to find the right balance, and knowing when to stop isn't so easy. With this disease every aspect of your life changes, and things you took for granted before, are now not always possible.
On bad days its debilitating and hideous, you feel utterly useless and even making yourself a cup of tea is a mission. Forget about chores, and if you haven't got something easy prepared for dinner, even cooking for the family is a nightmare. Sleep is constantly disrupted because every toss and turn is painful and you pray to Allah to make your struggle easy to bare and to give you strength. Prostrating in prayer is impossible and on those days I would have to sit on a chair to pray, like the elderly do. Even brushing your teeth is painful and can bring tears to your eyes. (Alhamdolilah I haven't had a day like that in a while now). On good days you can just about manage to do the things you need to do, like work a little bit, run your household, a few chores and cook food for your family, at the end of that day you're exhausted but you know sleep will bring you some respite.
My situation would be miles worse though if I didn't have the support, understanding and advice of the NHS. They have been amazing, efficient, pro-active and so on-the-ball that I can't credit them enough. Often we hear horror stories about the NHS, about the lack of cleanliness and hygiene in hospitals, about when medical professionals have dropped the ball big time, but we never hear about how well they do, and to be honest, the horror stories are the minority and most of the time, they're brilliant.
My GP, Specialist, and Specialist Nurse are all amazing people and may Allah Bless them for their good work and the help they provide for people like me.
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Thai Beef Salad
With all the hot weather we've been having lately, even I lose my appetite, (I know, hard to believe). So as a result we've been having more salads, but I don't mean a bit of iceberg lettus and tomatoes and cucumber, I mean serious salads like this one.Thai beef salad, I found the recipe on-line and decided to try it, my husband LOVES steak, so do the kids, especially the eldest, so went down a treat!
If you fancy trying it to, here's the recipe.
For 4 people
2 steaks, weighing total weight of 500g, cut about 1 inch thick.
1 Chinese leaf
2 carrots
4 spring onions
10 radishes
2 tbsp chopped coriander & mint
hand full of roasted peanuts
Dressing:
6 tbsp thai sweet chilli sauce
1 tbsp light soy sauce
1 lime, zest & juice
Heat a griddle pan till its smoking.
Brush the steak with olive oil and grill the steak for 3 - 6 mins on each side, depending on how you like your steak.
Take off pan, let it rest for 5 mins.
Finely chop the Chinese leaf, chop your carrots & spring onions into sticks, slice the radishes, add half the coriander and mint.
Mix the dressing, pour half over the salad and give it good mix.
Plate up, top with sliced steak, drizzle remaining dressing and sprinkle remaining coriander & mint, throw on some peanuts. Yummy, spicy and fresh.
Fruit is such a blessing
Recently one Saturday I made what can only be described as a giant fruit breakfast.We had sweet waffles and chocolate croissants which were only additions to the main thing, which was fruit, and lots of it.
We made platters with chopped watermelon and pineapple, and a platter with red grapes, cherries, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, passion fruit, kiwi, mango & banana.
We placed whipped cream on top of a waffle and piled on the fruit, this is the one I made.
The kids loved making it, loved creating their own combination's and loved eating it! We talked about the abundance of fruit Allah has blessed us with, so many different types, colours and flavours, and we thanked Allah for Blessing us with all this fruit.
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